Once upon a time in XYZ COLLEGE OF ENGINEERING, a funny incident happened…
Aashish, the tall-handsome-notorious boy, looked red faced when he entered the lecture hall.
“What’s wrong with you buddy? You look so… HOT” inquired his best friend Harish.
Aashish didn’t answer him at once and tried to ignore him. He sat on a bench and looked around himself- class was half-empty, some people were busy chatting in their respective groups and some were eating their lunch.
“Common! You can tell me.”
“You know… just before the lunch-break I was called by Professor Daruwala”, Aashish was looking away and didn’t try to catch Harish’s eyes, “she slapped me atleast half a dozen of times and there was no one to save me!”
“But why did she slap you?”
“Why? Remember I shouted “HATHNI AA RAHI HAI” before she entered the class yesterday”, Aashish sighed “someone from the class told her all about it.”
“Uh-oh…I am really sorry for this. I never thought she would actually slap you. I am your man buddy. It was I who confessed it to her” said Harish guiltily.
“What? What did you just do?” Aashish stood up and sprang on his friend like a hungry tiger and caught his best friend’s collar, “you owe me an EXPLANATION!!!”
“I know I do…can we just sit and talk.”
“Fine. Tell me why my best friend is trying to kill me.”
“Kill you? No. From last few days, I took a vow to speak the truth whenever I am asked. When Mrs. Daruwala asked me, I gave her the truth” said Harish defensively.
“That’s it?”
“No. I mean I am doing this because I have participated in a reality show where we win a crore in cash for speaking the truth.”
“A reality show? Better go and marry Rakhi Sawant instead! Psycho! You have given up your dignity, friendship and everything else for sale!” Aashish was yelling at his highest volume.
“But this is business my friend. Today, even cleaning someone’s dirty linen on television can bring you some quick money. And as far as selling my dignity is concerned it’s my dignity and I have right to sell it.
“I may have become sick but just imagine what we can do with a crore! It’s a huge amount of money…our whole life will be spent but the money won’t end!” said Harish.
Aashish considered it for a moment and before he could speak again he realized he had attracted some amount of audience to their heated conversation.
“We could enjoy the money together” Harish said calmly.
Aashish sensed the guilt in Harish’s voice.
“What’s the guarantee you will win?” he asked.
“Well if you are not going to help me then I am not winning a penny.”
“What do you want me to do?”
“Ask me some practice questions.”
The notorious Aashish received a chance to take his revenge. He stood on a nearby desk and shouted to the students present in the hall, “Hey People! Moment of truth has arrived. It’s time for Mr. Harish to become Satyavadi Harishchandra.”
Half of the students rounded up near both of them.
“Mr. Harish wants to play- MOMENT OF TRUTH!” He bent down and whispered to Harish, “Let’s have a deal first- you lie and you have to pay our canteen bills for an entire day” Aashish said.
“OK! I don’t mind. But how will you know if I am lying. You can’t perform poly graph test.”
“Firstly you won’t lie because you are practicing for a game show and secondly I am very good at reading faces”, said a girl who was standing behind them. This overly smart and beautiful girl was Arundhati. Harish always hated Arundhati for her overconfidence and the famous ability to read faces. And more so ever she had lead many fights between him and his girlfriend-Jessica.
She just arrived at the hot spot with her gang of giggling girls
“Your one lie can empty your bank balance.”
Aashish knowing Harish’s discomfort with Arundhati tried to change the topic.
“Thank god Gandhiji is not here. He would have cleaned the reality show owners. My friend, are you ready?”
“Yes I am” said Harish proudly.
“I will ask you only 5 questions. So let’s play”, said Aashish, “My 1st question to you is- HAVE YOU EVER BEEN NAKED IN PUBLIC?”
“What??? You are my best friend…you know most of my life…why are you asking something that you already know?”
Girls around him had already started whispering as they had sensed his answer.
“Right now I am the show host and the audience around me might want to know about you” said Aashish.
Harish looked around and saw nearly a dozen boys and girls were staring at him. He closed his eyes shut, too embarrassed to look at their faces, and said “Alright…Yes I have been naked in public. Happy?”
“Not much…shed some light on this incident.”
“Alright. It happened while I was ragged in my first year. After the night’s dinner, I and some other ‘freshies’, were robbed off their clothes and were told that our clothes had been hidden at different spots in our hostel. We were told to search them. Each item of our dress was tagged with a clue to find the next item…TREASURE HUNT. I spent the whole night locating them.”
Arundhati’s eyes were as big as tennis balls when she heard Harish, “You were completely NAKED…I mean C-O-M-P-L-E-T-E-L-Y-”
“Stop imagining me naked!” shouted Harish.
All of them were laughing at Harish.
“I don’t want any more of these stupid questions. OK?” Harish said Aashish.
But Aashish had other plans.
“My next question- IS IT TRUE THAT YOU STOLE YOUR MOTHER’S NECKLACE AND GIFTED IT TO A WOMAN WHO WAS ABOUT 10 YEARS OLDER THAN YOU?”
Harish checked his sides and concluded that it was impossible for him to run away from this embarrassing situation.
“Yes. I was only 13 then and woman in the question was my History teacher. I had a huge crush on her and made plans for proposing her.”
“OKKKK”, said the crowd together.
“I gifted her that necklace, bent down on my knees and said- I LOVE YOU…I thought she would slap me at first but she didn’t, instead she kissed me on my forehead and told me to return the necklace from where I brought it. So my mother never knew about this incident.”
“Go on…you gifted a necklace to a woman, that’s so sweet!” exclaimed Arundhati.
“Next day she took me to a coffee shop with her where I met her fiancée. I never had a crush on some elderly woman after that!”
“OH! What a sad ending to our little Romeo’s love story!” said one of the girls.
“Please ask the next question. I can’t stand these girls and there stupid feelings”, Harish whispered to Aashish.
“Ok. My next question- HAVE YOU EVER CHEATED YOUR GIRLFRIEND?”
Arundhati, Jessica’s close friend was also shocked to hear that question, “If you say yes you will be killed by Jessica! And don’t try to lie, I will know!”
“Now I realize why politicians want to shut this program from televison”, Harish mumbled under his breath.
“As far as politicians are concerned”, Aashish had heard him, “they are afraid that this program may reveal their darkest secrets and if asked about their Swiss bank reserves, they can’t even lie.”
“Don’t change the topic. Ask him again.” Arundhati had been keen to listen about Harish and Jessica’s story.
“I ask you again. HAVE YOU EVER CHEATED YOUR GIRLFRIEND?”
“Very well my friend you have already showed me the path to my grave”, said Harish to Aashish, “Yes! I have cheated her. But only once!”
“So nicely said- ONLY ONCE…YOU MEN!!! Elaborate on that topic”, yelled Arundhati.
Harish stood up and explained her, “It was last year. I went to watch JAB WE MET with Jessica. After the movie I left her at the girl’s hostel and went back to the theatre where a school friend- Sikha was waiting for me. I went for the next show with her.”
“I can’t believe that!” said Arundhati shockingly.
“I will confess it to Jessica, but not now. Can you just keep this little secret?” cried Harish.
“Ok. Please ask him the next question Aashish.”
“May I ask you a B-grade question?”
“B-grade? What were these? A-grade?” snorted Harish.
“Don’t worry it’s a simple one- ARE CURVES THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE WHEN YOU SEE A GIRL?”
“Hey that’s not fair. Even president Obama was ogling the other day!”
“Aashish that was such a cheap question!” Arundhati frowned. “Ask him something better.”
“OK! My question to you is- HAVE YOU EVER SLEPT WITH A GAY?”
Harish’s face stiffened. He was expecting this for long. He saw the girls who were smiling at him as if they knew his answer already.
“Can you change the question?” Harish pleaded to Aashish.
“I have no such intension. Should I repeat the question for you?”
“No thanks! I hadn’t really slept with him. He was my room mate in my 2nd year.”
“OOOOOOHHHHHHH!” sang the crowd together.
“Shut up! It was only in the morning when I realized that someone else was inside my blanket. I felt his hairy hands all over me. I changed my room after that incident. I still get goose bumps when I think of it. And believe me nothing happened”.
Harish was sweating by then, turning towards Aashish, “YOUR NEXT AND LAST QUESTION WON’T BE PERSONAL ONE!”
But the audience was merciless. They couldn’t stop laughing.
“OK! Please chill. The last one- DID YOU-” Aashish stopped suddenly and then continued, “DO YOU THINK MRS. DARUWALA RESEMBLE AN ELEPHANT?”
“No.”
“You don’t”, Aashish was shocked.
“And he isn’t lying Aashish” confirmed Arundhati.
“She is not an elephant but she is a hippopotamus,” Harish said.
“What?” Aashish looked surprised.
“Mrs. Daruwala is a HIPPOPOTAMUS! You heard me right!”
“If that’s true you must accompany me to my office! NOW!” said a woman’s voice from Harish’s back. Everyone turned around to see a pleasingly plump woman standing behind Harish. She turned around and left the lecture hall just like a lioness who lashed her tail with anger.
“You saw her coming inside, didn’t you? You changed your question at last moment” Harish started swearing on Aashish.
Aashish smiled at him, kept a hand on his shoulder and said, “Truth is always bitter but only a few chose to take this path. You will surely win the MOMENT OF TRUTH!”
--ARITRA SEN
